Part three – About feeling lost and not lost all at once
The next day Lisa was thinking about her life.
Lisa never wanted to take too much time off work, but sometimes she had to. The day that turned into a working day off was one of many that turned out like that. She had tried turning her other world work off, leaving her feeling disconnected and alone. It was an illusion to have time off.
It felt weird not working because she had always had this connection. As a child, it was a hassle, but now it was a job she could keep as work. Overall, having this line of work was consuming, and she did not choose it at all.
Lisa wanted to have several days off, but once she told people what she did, they had a million questions, or dead people came to say something without her asking first. She had never taken a trip or holiday without dead people around.
It was a two-sided thing. On the one hand, Lisa wanted to be free and not have God and dead people tagging along. On the other hand, she had never been alone, which would leave it weird or scary. Scary for the most part, she thought.
Lisa sat with her hot chocolate, wondering about everything, and decided to go on a vacation. A week of no work and only herself to care for would be fantastic. Should she bring someone, or would that be stupid? Where would she want to go? What time of year would she go?
Lisa was just about to panic when one of the guardian angels came to see her. She first stood by the wall and waited for Lisa to see her. Once Lisa saw her out of the corner of her eye, she tried to be polite, but Lisa knew the guardian angels were solely sent when she was attempting to make big decisions.
“So, I can’t go on a vacation?” Lisa looked disappointed.
The angel smiled and shook her head.
“Not a vacation, because your gift always comes along.”
Lisa looked almost angry, but then she started crying.
“I am never off, and it feels like I am invisible and never just me. I always meet people where I have to work and not just relax. Don’t I get to relax at all?”
The angel smiled and said, “you read a book not too long ago. Does that not count?”
“You are kidding. Have you never had human form? I will take some time to think about what I want from life. Reading a book once every ten years does not account for real downtime. It would have to be an hour or more a day, not every century.” Lisa had stopped crying and composed herself.
“I will take a job at a café or diner like a normal person and turn down any dead person who comes for a while. You can go back now,” she said to the angel.
The angel looked astonished.
“Are you going to take a job? You have a job with us, and don’t we ensure you have enough to do and enough money?”
“I know you feel like you provide for me, but talking about the same things day in, out, up and down, helping rich women feel better about themselves, and validating their feelings for money is boring and stupid. They don’t want to change. They want me to say they are good people. There is a profound difference.” Lisa shook her head.
“Don’t take a regular job. It will be hard to keep once everyone knows your gift” the angel looked worried.
“I am going to take a job and love it,” Lisa said. And that was the end of that conversation, she decided.
“We are not disconnected,” the angel said before leaving, “remember that. Call on us. We want to help.”
Lisa sat momentarily, thinking about what café she would work at. I am going to do this, she thought and stood up. She had three sessions with rich women today. They paid her a good amount of money for her readings, but she hated doing them. It felt like all she did was talk about the same four things—love, children, money, house, and, every now and then, anything else.
She would tell them how to change and feel better, and they would explain how that would be impossible. She would then tell them how to love themselves, and they would do none of it and call her two months later feeling just as bad, and the scenario would repeat itself.
She wanted that to change. She wanted to be normal, even for a small amount of time.
Tomorrow she would walk down any street with cafes and ask for a job. It would be great and exciting. It would be amazing. Lisa went to bed that day feeling happy and excited.
A chapter a week. See you on Monday